LiveLongAgeWell

Continuing the theme of last Friday’s post “do married people live longer?”, today a light and simple idea for couples looking for ways to keep their relationships fresh. A healthy, low-stress primary relationship goes a long way to keeping you physically healthy. First though, since many LLAW readers are outside the U.S., let me define “date night”.

“Date night” is a pre-set “date” time, typically one evening per week, that couples—often who have been together for some years—use to re-ignite or at least help maintain some fun and passion in their relationship. The two don’t have to be actually married, but the common theme is that the partners are often so busy with their independent work and home lives that without this pre-arranged time, they might not get out of the house alone together for fun and entertainment.

Researchers have found however that “date night” for many couples can be, every week, every time… pretty much the same…out to the same restaurants or movie theaters or with the same group of friends. Now some recent studies, based on neurotransmitters, suggests a better way to approach “date night”.

These days neuropsychologists look at either brain scanning or brain chemistry to try to explain and understand human emotions, and love and passion are prime targets for research. Already widely known is that couples’ relationships shift over the first several years, and the original excitement and passion is usually replaced by a (hopefully) still loving connection, but typically the newness and passion cools over time.

The neurochemical explanation is that when we are first in love, the brain is flooded with the neurotransmitters dopamine and norepinephrine, the same transmitters that fill our brains when we engage in new activities and adventures that are exciting, or daring, maybe a bit risky. Working with that data, a social psychologist from the State University of New York devised a number of experiments with couples in various situations.

He found that one big key to keeping a relationship exciting and the good neurochemicals flowing is to inject novelty and challenge into shared activites. Make an active effort to avoid the same places or the same people each week. Shake it up as much as you can. Rather than Chinese food, pick Moroccan, rather than biking in the park, try rafting or hiking on new trails, rather than hooking up with the couple from work, invite that new lesbian couple for drinks or dinner. Take risks, shake it up, constantly. Some things will work out, others will fail and that’s a good thing. It shows you’re willing to live a bit on the edge, and that helps keep your brain chemistry in good working condition. When you experience novelty in outside activities, the right neurotransmitters will keep flowing, and you’ll probably continue to see newness in your partner too.